


The Raccoon Sniffles: The Movie

by sarahgirl1998



Category: Happy Tree Friends
Genre: Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Love, Comedy, Cute, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Sick Character, Sickfic, Sneezing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-15 04:30:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19288168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahgirl1998/pseuds/sarahgirl1998
Summary: The first part of The Raccoon Sniffles, adapted into a script with extra stuff I didn't add in the original.





	The Raccoon Sniffles: The Movie

(Fade in from black. We are at the raccoons’ apartment complex, close to 6:00 AM. The sun is rising slowly from the horizon, changing the sky from dark blue to a slightly lighter shade as seconds go by.)  
  
(Fade to the inside of Lifty and Shifty’s apartment room, starting in the living room. It is still slightly dark, soundless. Pan to the doorway that leads into the bedroom. Lifty and Shifty - our protagonists - are sleeping in the double bed, Lifty on the left side and Shifty on the right. Lifty is invisible under the dark blue blankets aside from a lump to indicate his location, and on Shifty’s side, only his head and upper body visible, with his fedora on one of the poles on the front of the bed. Shifty is sleeping on his side, snoring quietly.)  
  
(Cut to his alarm clock, a black digital clock with red numbers and colon. The clock initially reads 5:59, but then switches to 6:00 and switches on with a repeated beeping sound.)  
  
(Shifty cringes a bit, then opens his eyes slightly. Seeing that his alarm clock has gone off, he reaches his right arm to shut it off. As soon as his hand touches the button, the beeping ends. Shifty then sits up in bed, then rubs one of his eyes with his right fist. He turns his head to look over at Lifty, who is still sleeping. Shifty’s alarm has somehow failed to wake him up.)  
  
(Shifty, presumably knowing that Lifty would sleep through his alarm going off, sits on the side of the bed and then steps off. Picking up his fedora from the front of the bed, he heads into the bathroom - which has its own little room in the bedroom - where he switches on the light before shutting the door for privacy purposes. Still in bed, Lifty can hear his brother starting the shower up, but continues to ignore and remains asleep.)  
  
(Title card: The Raccoon Sniffles.)  
  
(A few minutes have passed since Shifty has gotten out of the shower and dried off. He picks up a bottle of “Non-Toxic Body Spray” and sprays a bit onto himself. He then puts it down and puts his fedora on his head. Back in the bedroom, Shifty opens the door from the bathroom, switches off the light and exits, shutting the door behind him. It has gotten lighter in the bedroom, but Lifty is still sleeping. Shifty looks at him for a moment, but then shrugs and walks out of the bedroom.)  
  
(It is now daytime, as the sky outside of the apartment complex has turned the familiar shade of light blue. No sounds except for birds singing can be heard.)  
  
(In the raccoons’ kitchen, Shifty is sitting at the table, pouring some coffee from a dark blue coffeepot into a mug. The aforementioned mug is a white color and has the letter S in green on it to indicate that it is his. Shifty puts down the coffeepot, picks up his mug with one hand and takes a sip of his steaming coffee. He then swallows and sighs before looking at the opposite end of the table. There is a single chair there where Lifty would normally sit, except said chair is empty this morning.)  
  
Shifty: (to himself) It’s kinda weird having to enjoy my coffee without Lifty for once...  
  
(He takes another sip of his coffee, then swallows.)  
  
Shifty: Ah, what do I know? It’s not like he’ll be in bed all day.  
  
(Seeing the TV on the kitchen wall to the side of the table, Shifty picks up a nearby remote control to switch on the TV. When the picture comes in, there is static, so Shifty changes the channel. On the TV, between channels being changed, we see a news report, a baseball game, a cartoon with a cat and dog, a weather report, and an unnamed romance movie starring Cuddles and Giggles as a boyfriend and girlfriend, sitting on a bench on a starry night. Cut to Shifty who looks indifferent.)  
  
Shifty: Yep, nothing’s on.  
  
(He switches the TV off just as Cuddles and Giggles are about to kiss. Shifty then puts the remote aside and takes another sip of his coffee. He swallows and looks back over at the end of the table, sighing to himself.)  
  
Shifty: That little brother of mine, what is taking him?  
  
(He looks over at the clock on the wall - not the same wall that has the TV, but the wall closest to the other side of the table. Suddenly Shifty’s eyes widen and pupils shrink in realization. The clock reads 8:30. Shifty puts his now-empty mug on the table.)  
  
Shifty: Looks like I gotta wake him up.  
  
(He stands up from the table and walks out of the kitchen. After walking through the living room, Shifty enters the bedroom, where Lifty is still in the bed and still hidden under the covers. Shifty sighs to himself, one hand on his head in annoyance.)  
  
Shifty: (to himself) Come on, it’s past our wakeup time... (aloud) Lifty? Wake up.  
  
(No response from Lifty. He remains in bed, stirring in his sleep. With only a couple arm movements, the younger raccoon takes whatever covers are left on Shifty’s side of the bed, sniffling mildly as he does so. However, Shifty hears the small amount of sniffling, and raises an eyebrow in curiosity.)  
  
Shifty: W-wait a minute, are you feeling okay?  
  
(Lifty seems to have not heard this, as he just sniffles. Shifty walks over to him, not looking amused but only annoyed, at worst. He tries to pull one of the blankets off Lifty, but he resists and pulls it back.)  
  
Shifty: Come on, bro, you gotta get up. (grunts a little) I’m already up, so wouldn’t it make sense for you to...?  
  
(Lifty responds with a loud, particularly harsh-sounding sniffle, and then groans in either tiredness or discomfort. However, his voice sounds a bit different than it usually does, and Shifty’s eyes widen when he notices that. He lets go of the blanket he was trying to take, not knowing Lifty has given up resisting as well. Lifty brings out his right arm, grabbing the blanket and pulling it off his face. His eyes have bags underneath him, and his normally pink nose has a bright red shade. Letting go of his blanket, he sniffles again, then brings up both his fists to rub his eyes. Now that Shifty has seen his face, however, his eyes widen once again, this time from surprise and the realization that something is wrong.)  
  
Shifty: Uh... Lifty? (points to him) You feeling okay?  
  
Lifty: (barely audibly) N-no.  
  
(He suddenly coughs a little into his right hand, with his coughing sounding similar to the cough of one with influenza, laryngitis or any other lung infection. When he finishes, he gives a deep, wet-sounding sniffle, to Shifty’s concern.)  
  
Lifty: Ugh... (He places his left hand on his head, but then removes it as his nose twitches in irritation. He feels as though he is going to sneeze, and inhales.) Aaaah... Haaaaah-aaaaaah...  
  
(Shifty looks at him questioningly, apparently not knowing what his younger brother is doing. When he hears the inhales, however, he realizes what is going to happen and cringes in shock. Lifty reaches into his pocket with his left hand, pulls out a tissue and holds it in front of his mouth with both hands, giving a climactic inhale as he does so. Fearing the worst, Shifty plugs his ears with both forefingers.)  
  
Lifty: AaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAH...  
  
(Following the inhale, however, comes a pause that lasts a few seconds. Lifty’s breath returns to normal as the urge to sneeze subsides, and he opens his eyes, looking as though he is in a daze. As though he released the sneeze, he rubs his nose wistfully with his right forefinger. Not long after he does this, Shifty removes his forefingers and looks at Lifty in disbelief.)  
  
Shifty: What the heck...? What’s gotten into you, bro?  
  
(Lifty sniffles in response as he continues to rub his nose for a couple of seconds. He then stops and blows his nose into his tissue, which he then holds with his right hand as he wipes his nose. Shifty’s expression switches from disbelief to concern as he places his left hand on Lifty’s forehead.)  
  
Shifty: Uh, bro? I think you’re getting sick.  
  
Lifty: I know. (He gives another audible sniffle. Shifty removes his hand from his forehead.)  
  
Shifty: I’ll go take your temperature, I’ll be right back.  
  
(He then turns around and heads into the bathroom, switching the light on and leaving the door open. Lifty remains in bed, watching and waiting for his brother to return.)  
  
(Shifty opens up the medicine cabinet and looks in it, trying to find a thermometer. As he moves a couple of medications out of the way, Lifty can be seen in bed, rubbing his nose with his left hand just outside the door. Finally Shifty discovers a digital thermometer and picks it up. He shuts the medicine cabinet and walks out of the bathroom, turning the light back off as he does so. Just as Lifty finishes rubbing his nose, Shifty walks over to him.)  
  
Shifty: Alright, bro, open your mouth.  
  
(Lifty does so, with Shifty immediately inserting the thermometer under his tongue afterwards. He presses the button on the thermometer, turning it on and allowing it to take his temperature. As the raccoons both wait for the results, Lifty sniffles a few times. Shifty looks at him sympathetically with a sigh.)  
  
Shifty: (to himself) He must’ve got the sniffles. Hopefully he didn’t get it from watching some episode where people get sick...  
  
(The thermometer suddenly beeps rapidly, indicating that it has finished. Shifty takes the thermometer and pulls it out of Lifty’s mouth, with Lifty coughing a bit and covering his mouth with his right hand. When he finishes, Shifty shows him the thermometer.)  
  
Shifty: Yep. You’ve got a fever. It’s a hundred and seven, by the way. (A few seconds afterwards, he realizes what he just said and looks back at the thermometer in shock.) Whoa! How’d it get that high?!  
  
(Lifty takes a single inhale and sighs with discomfort. He lays back down in bed, most of his body surrounded by the covers, and sniffles once more.)  
  
Lifty: Shifty... I... (Another wet-sounding sniffle.) I feel absolutely awful.  
  
Shifty: Yeah, I can tell. (He puts the thermometer on the end table, the one that is closest to Lifty’s side of the bed.) No wonder you didn’t wanna get up, huh?  
  
(Lifty shakes his head in agreement and turns over, wanting to go back to sleep but being unable to. Shifty places his hand on his shoulder to comfort him.)  
  
Shifty: I’m sorry, bro. I guess I didn’t think you’d be feeling this bad.  
  
Lifty: Me either. (He turns back to look over at Shifty.) I don’t even know how I got it... (He sniffles again.)  
  
Shifty: Me neither, but that’s probably the least of our...  
  
(Before he can finish his sentence, however, Lifty inhales as he is about to sneeze again. His nose has started to twitch once again, and he holds his left hand over his mouth.)  
  
Lifty: Aaaah...!  
  
Shifty: (knowing what was going to happen) Oh, not again! (He ducks down to the floor, with the hopes that he will avoid getting sprayed.)  
  
Lifty: (Tilts his upper body back with a final inhale.) Haaaaaaaah...  
  
(Again, however, the urge to sneeze goes away. Looking a bit confused, Lifty stops inhaling and blinks, trying to regain his boundaries. Realizing that Lifty has again failed to sneeze, Shifty stands up again and looks at his bro, a bit annoyed.)  
  
Shifty: What’s with all the stuck sneezes, bro?  
  
Lifty: (shrugs) I dunno. (He sniffles again.) Ugh...  
  
Shifty: Congestion?  
  
Lifty: No, the other one.  
  
(He turns away from Shifty and reaches his left hand over to the end table next to Shifty’s side of the bed. It turns out he is trying to grab the box of tissues close to the alarm clock from earlier. The alarm clock now says 8:35. Shifty figures out what Lifty wants and puts Lifty’s hand down for him.)  
  
Shifty: I’ll get them.  
  
(He goes over to the other side of the bed, but just as he picks up the tissues, Lifty releases a fake sneeze into both of his hands.)  
  
Lifty: Aaah-choo!  
  
(Shifty looks a bit surprised at first, but then realizes that Lifty did not actually sneeze, and looks at him with an unamused expression on his face. Lifty then removes his hands from his mouth, rubbing his nose with his right forefinger afterwards.)  
  
(Shifty is about to say something, but looks over at the tissue box, which coincidentally has the word “Gesundheit” written on it. Deciding against what he wants to say, Shifty simply hands the box to Lifty.)  
  
Shifty: Here you go, bro.  
  
Lifty: (taking a tissue) Thanks. (He blows his nose again, then resumes rubbing his nose with his forefinger.)  
  
(Despite initially looking concerned for his younger brother’s misery, a thought occurs to Shifty and snaps him out of his mood.)  
  
Shifty: Wait a minute... I think I’ve had something like this before.  
  
Lifty: (forefinger still under nose) You have? (Another sniffle.)  
  
Shifty: Yeah, but I can’t put my finger on it. (As he speaks, Lifty starts wiping his nose with his tissue, sniffling occasionally.) All I remember was that I had a fever, and I was sniffling a lot, and coughing... Oh, and almost sneezing.  
  
Lifty: (sniffles and removes his tissue from his nose) Did ya figure out what it was?  
  
Shifty: No, it’s probably the same thing you’ve got. Except... I forgot what it was called...  
  
(He looks back over at his end table, seeing his smartphone sitting on it. It is a white smartphone that looks exactly like the iPhone, complete with the single button underneath the screen, as well as a white charger that is plugged into it. Shifty gets an idea, unplugs his phone and picks it up. He then looks over at Lifty.)  
  
Shifty: Don’t worry, bro, I know someone who can help us.  
  
(He turns on the screen on the phone, revealing a few apps, then opens the app simply named “Phone.” He opens up the keypad and dials a number. Meanwhile, Lifty tries to make himself sneeze by tickling his nose with his forefinger, but to his disappointment, it fails to make him sneeze or even cause his breath to hitch. Shifty finishes dialing and waits for a response, holding the phone to his ear as the tone plays. Assuming Lifty will threaten the conversation, Shifty also walks out of the bedroom to give himself some privacy. Soon the tone stops and he speaks, although only his side of the conversation is heard.)  
  
Shifty: Hey, Sniffles? It’s Shifty. I’m doing alright, except my brother doesn’t feel good. I don’t know what he has yet, probably the sniffles. You don’t mind if I bring him over to your place so you can figure out what’s wrong with him, do you? Okay, great. We’ll be there in a few minutes. Thanks, bye.  
  
(Shifty then ends the call and returns to the bedroom. He puts his smartphone back in his pocket and looks over at Lifty, who is rubbing his nose with another tissue.)  
  
Shifty: You might wanna get out of bed. We’re going to Sniffles’ house so he can help you feel better.  
  
(Lifty nods in understanding and removes the covers from his body. He sits on the edge of the bed and then steps off. As soon as his feet hit the floor, however, his legs start trembling. He almost falls, but catches himself on the end table closest to him. He sniffles loudly and stands back up, then tries to walk to the doorway. Just as he makes it there, however, he stops as his legs start trembling again.)  
  
Lifty: Ugh... (Sniffles and almost falls again, this time grabbing onto the wall to avoid getting hurt. He stands back up and rubs his head a little.) Aw, I don’t wanna go anywhere. I don’t feel good!  
  
Shifty: (close to the door that leads to the apartment halls) Don’t worry, bro, I’m right behind you.  
  
(Lifty then makes it out of the bedroom and weakly goes over to Shifty, sniffling along the way. As soon as he gets close enough to him, he almost collapses, but Shifty catches him before he can hit the floor. Lifty coughs harshly, and then sniffles again.)  
  
Lifty: Can’t we just have him come over here?  
  
Shifty: Nah, I promised him we’d talk to him in person. But don’t worry, we won’t be there that long.  
  
(He opens the door and heads out into the apartment halls, with Lifty following him. As the two raccoons walk over to the elevator on one side of the hall, Lifty keeps sniffling. When they make it to the elevator, Shifty pushes the Call button, causing the elevator doors to open. Suddenly, Lifty is about to sneeze again, causing Shifty to look at him in concern.)  
  
Lifty: Ah, haaaah... Haaaah...  
  
(Once again, the urge to sneeze dies down and Lifty’s breath returns to normal. Shifty steps into the elevator, as does Lifty, and Shifty presses another button to close the doors.)  
  
(As the elevator descends, Lifty is rubbing his nose repeatedly with his left forefinger. Shifty has his left hand on Lifty’s right shoulder and is looking at him sympathetically.)  
  
(The elevator makes it to the first floor and the doors open, with Lifty and Shifty exiting before the doors close again. They head over to the apartment doors, one of which Shifty opens before he and Lifty head outside. Lifty takes a brief look at the clear sky, sighing in unhappiness that he fell ill on such a nice day. He then looks back over at Shifty and starts walking with him to Sniffles’ house.)  
  
(Along the way, Lifty continues to sniffle repeatedly as well as rub his nose several times. Shifty occasionally turns to look at him and rub his shoulder to comfort him, but otherwise ignores him. About halfway through their trip, however, Lifty’s nose twitches as he is about to sneeze again. The raccoons both stop as Shifty looks at Lifty in concern, with Lifty inhaling dramatically.)  
  
Lifty: Haaaaah... Aaaaaaah... AaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAHHHHHHH...  
  
(Following the third inhale, however, the urge to sneeze disappears once again. Lifty’s breath returns to normal and he sniffles loudly. Shifty looks at him, not amused in the least.)  
  
Shifty: What is it gonna take to get that sneeze outta you?!  
  
Lifty: (rubbing his nose with his left hand) Probably a lot more than this darn sniffles.  
  
(As soon as he is finished saying that, the wind blows a small amount of dust into Lifty and Shifty’s faces, causing them to wince in surprise. Although Lifty simply inhales, Shifty immediately inhales and sneezes, with a small amount of spray coming out of his mouth.)  
  
Shifty: HUUUH-- CHOO!!  
  
Lifty: (tilts his neck back) Aaah... Ah, haaaaaaah…  
  
Shifty: (quickly recovers from his sneeze) Ugh… (Rubs his nose with his arm.) If the dust makes me sneeze, then it’ll definitely make Lifty sneeze. We’re both allergic, aren’t we?  
  
(After Lifty’s inhales, however, the urge to sneeze once again fades. Lifty’s breath returns to normal, although the tickle in his nose still remains. He takes a brief inhale, and exhales through his nose, which expels the dust that almost made him sneeze and gets rid of the tickle in his nose. He then rubs his nose with his forefinger, with Shifty sighing to himself in dismay.)  
  
Shifty: What the heck?! I sneezed from that, why didn’t you?!  
  
Lifty: (as Shifty rubs his nose a little more, this time with his hand) Uh, sorry. And bless you.  
  
Shifty: Let’s just worry about this later and keep going to Sniffles’ house, okay?  
  
(They continue on their way to Sniffles’ house, with Lifty’s sniffling and nose rubbing still going strong. Finally they make it to the front door and walk up to it. Shifty presses his right forefinger against the doorbell, causing the chimes to play. He pulls his forefinger away from the doorbell and the raccoons wait for Sniffles to answer. After a few seconds have gone by, the door opens to reveal Sniffles. He sees that Lifty and Shifty have arrived and smiles at them.)  
  
Sniffles: Oh, hey, guys!  
  
Shifty: Hey, Sniffles.  
  
(Sniffles then looks over at Lifty, who is still looking sick as he has been since the beginning. Sniffles winces in disbelief and becomes concerned.)  
  
Sniffles: Oh, my… You don’t look like yourself, Lifty.  
  
Lifty: I know. (Rubs his nose with his forefinger as Sniffles and Shifty head into the following conversation.)  
  
Sniffles: Are you sure you think he has the sniffles? He looks more like he has a bad cold, if you ask me.  
  
Shifty: Well, maybe, but aside from sniffling all the time, he’s not sneezing. He keeps being all, “Ah… Ah… AH…” But then he doesn’t sneeze! (Sniffles tries to think about what is going on, but Shifty interrupts before he can come up with anything.) Oh, and Sniffles?  
  
Sniffles: Yeah?  
  
Shifty: I might have had this exact problem before, but I have no idea what it was. I’m pretty sure it was some sorta virus.  
  
(Sniffles thinks a little bit more, with Lifty sniffling slightly as he does so, before coming up with a way to help the ill raccoon and his concerned brother.)  
  
Sniffles: I might have to perform a diagnosis. (He looks over at Lifty, takes his right hand and leads him into the house.) Come on, Lifty, I’ll take you to my lab so we can help you.  
  
Lifty: (forced to walk with him) Okay… (He coughs into his left hand, while Shifty follows them.)  
  
(The three finally make it to the lab, where Sniffles lets go of Lifty's hand before he shows him one of the chairs to sit on. Lifty gets the message and sits down in it, and then Sniffles feels his forehead with his left hand.)  
  
Sniffles: (to Shifty) Did you take his temperature this morning?  
  
Shifty: Yeah.  
  
Sniffles: What was it?  
  
Shifty: About a hundred and seven.  
  
Sniffles: (to himself, in worry) That's not a good sign...  
  
(He pulls his hand away from Lifty's forehead, then pulls out a first aid kit. He opens it, reaches into it and pulls out an oral thermometer. Unlike the one Lifty and Shifty have at their apartment, this one is an analog thermometer.)  
  
Sniffles: We'll have to see if it's gone up.  
  
(He then looks over at Lifty and inserts the tip of the thermometer into his mouth. Lifty cringes slightly from how abruptly Sniffles does this, but otherwise does not complain. Not long after this, just to make Lifty more comfortable, Sniffles wraps a blanket around Lifty's body and places a hot water bottle on his head in a matter of seconds. Lifty simply lets him do so, shivering slightly, sniffling and rubbing his nose. Shifty looks over at Sniffles.)  
  
Shifty: You just couldn't help yourself, could you?  
  
Sniffles: Well, he is sick, after all. I just wanted to make him feel better.  
  
Shifty: Yeah, it makes sense, I just didn't think you were gonna do all of that.  
  
Sniffles: I understand. (turns to look at Lifty) By the way, I think that's long enough. (He gently grabs onto the thermometer, leaving it in Lifty's mouth as he speaks.) Are you feeling any better? (He removes the thermometer from Lifty's mouth, allowing him to answer.)  
  
Lifty: No... Throat hurts... need tissues... can't sneeze... (Shifty walks over to him and puts his hand on his shoulder to sympathize with him, with Sniffles looking at the reading on the thermometer.)  
  
Shifty: You poor guy. I'd hate to get as sick as you, but not as much as I'd hate to see that cold get any worse...  
  
Sniffles: (looks up from the thermometer) Shifty?  
  
Shifty: (removes his hand from Lifty's shoulder and looks at Sniffles) Yeah?  
  
Sniffles: Your brother's temperature is 108.5. His fever's getting worse.  
  
Shifty: (almost freaks out) Oh, God! That's even worse! And if it gets any higher, who knows how long he'll have left?!  
  
Lifty: How long I'll have left of what? (Before either Shifty or Sniffles can respond, Lifty suddenly winces as his nose twitches. His breath begins to hitch as he is about to sneeze again.) Haaaah, aaaaaah...  
  
(Shifty's eyes widen and pupils shrink as he realizes exactly what is going to happen. He backs away from Lifty, but not without turning to Sniffles and motioning for him to do the same.)  
  
Shifty: S-Sniffles! Get outta the way!  
  
(Sniffles does as he is told, putting the thermometer aside and plugging his ears with both forefingers. Lifty gives a final inhale and moves both of his hands up to cover his mouh.)  
  
Lifty: HAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH-- (The itch in his nose subsides and he stops inhaling. Out of desperation, however, he fakes another sneeze, hoping it will help bring the same relief the sneeze would have brought.) --Choooo!  
  
(Upon hearing the fake sneeze, Shifty and Sniffles both turn to look at Lifty. Lifty has removed his hands from his mouth and is now rubbing his nose with his right forefinger, looking a bit embarrassed.)  
  
Lifty: Uh, bless me?  
  
(Sniffles removes his forefingers from his ears and decides to simply assume that Lifty sneezed for real. He walks over to Lifty, pulls out a box of tissues and gives it to him.)  
  
Sniffles: Um, Gesundheit.  
  
(Lifty keeps rubbing his nose, then pulls out a tissue and blows his nose into it. Then he wipes his nose with the same tissue, sniffling constantly as he does so.)  
  
Lifty: Thanks...  
  
Sniffles: (turns to Shifty) Are there any other symptoms he's shown, besides these?  
  
Shifty: Probably not.  
  
(Sniffles thinks for quite a few seconds as he tries to figure out what the illness is. Lifty continues to sniffle and wipe his nose as he and Shifty wait for his answer. Eventually, however, Sniffles' eyes widen and pupils shrink with realization.)  
  
Sniffles: Wait a minute. (Counts a bit on his fingers.) Coughing, fever, sniffling, stuck sneezes... (Puts down his hands and turns to Lifty and Shifty.) I think you're dealing with a case of the Raccoon Sniffles.  
  
Lifty: (Emits a sniffle.) What's that?  
  
Sniffles: It's a bit hard to explain. But what I do know is that it’s a type of illness that only infects raccoons like yourself. You might as well expect it at least once in your life. Despite the high fever, it’s not dangerous, nor is it deadly, and it’ll go away in a few days... or less than a day, if you’re lucky. The fever tends to last only one or two days, but the sniffling persists for longer than that in most cases.  
  
Shifty: Any explanation for the stuck sneezes?  
  
Sniffles: Actually, unlike a lot of illnesses out there, this one isn’t what’s making him sneeze. Rather, his body is trying to expel the virus by making him think he needs to sneeze. Except the virus has the ability to manipulate every part of the nasal passages to not sneeze, and that’s what causes all the stuck sneezes. (Cut to Lifty and Shifty; as Sniffles talks, Lifty turns to Shifty, with the former rubbing his nose with his left forefinger. Shifty once again places his hand on Lifty's shoulder.) That being said, he can still sneeze from things like pepper, dust, whatever he’s allergic to and whatever’s tickling his nose. But the thing is, they have to be used on him when he already needs to sneeze. (Back to Sniffles.) The best thing to do is make sure he gets plenty of rest, and he'll be fine.  
  
(Back to the raccoons; Shifty removes his hand from Lifty's shoulder just as he stops rubbing his nose.)  
  
Shifty: Okay, but before we go, you wanna find a way to make him sneeze?  
  
Lifty: I could use it.  
  
Sniffles: (smiles at them) Lucky for you, I have some sneezing powder right here. (He reaches behind his back and pulls out a container of sneezing powder.) But I should warn you, this is absolutely guaranteed to work. Then again, I did make it out of pollen, dust and black pepper, so...  
  
Lifty: Does it matter as long as it makes me sneeze for once?  
  
Sniffles: Well, if you're that desperate... (He turns to Shifty.) You might wanna stay out of the way. (Shifty gives a thumbs up to show that he understands, then takes a few steps back as he plugs his ears with both forefingers. Sniffles turns back to Lifty.) You ready, Lifty?  
  
Lifty: Yeah, go. (He sniffles again, then coincidentally feels a sneeze coming on. As his desire is to sneeze, he tilts his neck back and begins to inhale.) Aah... Aaaaaaah...  
  
(With the first two inhales, Sniffles shakes a small amount of sneezing powder into his hand, and then blows that amount of powder into Lifty's face. As soon as it makes contact with his nose, Lifty's eyes widen and pupils shrink as his nose twitches and nostrils flare up in irritation. In less than five seconds, his breath begins to hitch even more as he tilts his upper body back.)  
  
Lifty: HaaaaaaaaAAAAAH... AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH...  
  
(Knowing what is about to happen, as well as that this sneeze is the one that is going to come out, Sniffles quickly runs out of the way and plugs his ears with his forefingers, still holding his sneezing powder in one of his hands. A final inhale later, the sneeze finally makes it out.)  
  
Lifty: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH-TTTTTCCCCCHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
(Lifty shoots his neck forwards as he releases one of the biggest sneezes of his life, with a good amount of spray and clear mucus spurting out of his mouth and nose. Sniffles and Shifty both cringe from hearing the sneeze as well, neither of them able to believe how loud and forceful it is. Once the sneeze has finally passed, Lifty recovers and rubs his nose with his right forefinger repeatedly. He also sniffles and sighs with relief, feeling much better now that his sneeze has come out, even though he still feels sick. Shifty unplugs his ears and walks over to Lifty, looking at him in complete disbelief.)  
  
Shifty: Wow... Gesundheit.  
  
Lifty: (still rubbing his nose) Thanks... (He pulls out a couple of tissues, then blows his nose into them as hard as he can. He then wipes his nose with the tissues, still sniffling.)  
  
Shifty: You already? I... That was the biggest sneeze I ever heard!  
  
Lifty: Yeah... But I feel so much better now. (He sniffles again. Then he and Shifty hear Sniffles' voice.)  
  
Sniffles: Gesundheit, indeed. (The raccoons look over at Sniffles, who is walking over to them and appears to be in as much disbelief as Shifty, if not more. He stops when he reaches them.) I haven't heard a sneeze like that since the last time I made Lumpy sneeze!  
  
Lifty: Really?  
  
Sniffles: Oh, yes, definitely. Are you feeling any better, Lifty?  
  
Lifty: (still wiping his nose) So much better. Thanks, Sniffles.  
  
Sniffles: (smiling at him) Think nothing of it. Oh, and I should point out, letting out one sneeze won't cure the Raccoon Sniffles. That being said, it'd be a good idea to keep inducing your sneezes whenever you feel them coming on. Or even better, let Shifty keep making you sneeze when you need to. That ought to help you feel better.  
  
Lifty: It's alright, it was worth it. (Putting his used tissues aside, he gets up from the chair, removing his blanket and hot water bottle as he does so.)  
  
Shifty: You ready to go home, bro? (Lifty nods in response. Shifty then turns to Sniffles.) Thanks for the advice, Sniffles. We're gonna go now.  
  
(He takes Lifty's hand and helps him find his way out of the lab, as well as out of Sniffles' house. Sniffles stands at the doorway, waving goodbye to them as they leave.)  
  
Sniffles: Hope you feel better soon! (He goes back in the house, no longer appearing for the rest of this part.)  
  
(The raccoons are walking home, Lifty still rubbing his nose and sniffling.)  
  
Shifty: At least Sniffles was able to give us some info about that "Raccoon Sniffles." I can't believe it completely slipped my mind...  
  
Lifty: It's not like I could remember what it was, either. (He sniffles again.)  
  
Shifty: But don't worry, bro. As sick as you are, I'm gonna make sure you're as comfortable as possible. Anything you want, you get, okay?  
  
Lifty: (smiles at him) Thanks, Shifty. You're the best... (He suddenly stops as his nose twitches again, a sign that another sneeze is on the way. He begins to inhale, tilting his upper body back.) Aaaah... Haaaaah...  
  
Shifty: (Also stops and looks at Lifty in curiosity, but then realizes what is going to happen. He is about to panic, but then looks down at his tail and gets an idea.) Don't worry, bro, I got this! (He grabs his tail, returns to Lifty and rubs his tail underneath his nose.)  
  
Lifty: (His eyes are watering and his breath continues to hitch due to the increasing tickle in his nose.) Haaaaah-- AaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH-- (Tilts his upper body as far back as possible, just as Shifty removes his tail from his nose. Lifty then releases the sneeze, throwing both of his hands over his mouth.) CHOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo!!!  
  
(Shifty cringes when he hears the sneeze. He then lets go of his tail as Lifty pulls his hands away and rubs his nose with his right forefinger. Shifty inhales and sighs in relief.)  
  
Shifty: That was a close one. Gesundheit.  
  
Lifty: (continues to rub his nose) Thanks, Shifty.  
  
(He and Shifty continue on their way home. When they finally get to their apartment complex, they go through the front doors and head over to the elevator. Shifty presses the Call button as Lifty is rubbing his nose. The elevator doors open and they step inside, with Shifty pressing another button to close the doors.)  
  
(As they are waiting in the elevator, however, Lifty is about to sneeze again as his nose twitches. As soon as his breath starts hitching, Shifty looks at him in concern.)  
  
Lifty: Aaaah... Haaaaah... (Without thinking, Shifty pokes Lifty's nose with his forefinger, causing him to give a final inhale and sneeze again. The sneeze is uncovered, but uncharacteristically quiet.) HAH-- Tchew! (Lifty then sniffles and rubs his nose with his left forefinger, blushing from how his sneeze sounded.) Ugh... that was... embarrassing.  
  
Shifty: (chuckles to himself over how the sneeze sounded, but then realizes that Lifty is looking at him.) Oh, sorry. Bless you.  
  
Lifty: (sniffles and continues to rub his nose) Thanks.  
  
(The elevator makes it to the second floor and the doors open, with Lifty and Shifty exiting before the doors close again. They return to their apartment room, with Shifty leaving the door open for Lifty as they go inside. He then shuts the door, with Lifty sniffling again as he does so. Shifty responds by wrapping his right arm around Lifty's neck.)  
  
Shifty: Come on, bro, let's get you to bed.  
  
Lifty: About time...  
  
(They go into the bedroom, where Shifty switches on the light and Lifty goes to his side of the bed. He steps in, getting under the covers and laying down. He sniffles again, rubbing his nose with his hand as Shifty approaches him.)  
  
Shifty: So what can I do for you, little bro?  
  
Lifty: (Another sniffle.) Can I have some water?  
  
(Shifty immediately rushes out and returns with a bottle of water. Lifty is surprised that he managed to get it so quickly, but smiles as he takes the bottle, opens it and drinks it.)  
  
Lifty: Thanks.  
  
Shifty: Anything else?  
  
Lifty: (after finishing his water) I guess I’d like to watch TV…  
  
(Shifty immediately picks up the remote to the TV in the bedroom and turns it on for Lifty. He then hands the remote to Lifty, who looks through the schedule to see what is on.)  
  
Lifty: Tootie... Family Guy... Futurama… (brightens up) Hey, the last Futurama episode is on! (Selects it.)  
  
Shifty: You mean the one where Fry and that one-eyed girl get married?  
  
Lifty: Yep. (sniffles) Why, haven’t you seen it?  
  
Shifty: No, but I’ve heard of it, and I’ve seen the movies. Oh, and did I mention that Cold Warriors episode that I hope you didn’t watch?  
  
Lifty: I swear, I didn’t watch it. (Another sniffle.) But you should watch this with me, it’s great!  
  
Shifty: Alright, alright.  
  
(Just as the Futurama theme song plays, Shifty goes over on his side of the bed and sits next to Lifty as they watch the episode.)  
  
(A half hour immediately passes; the episode has finished; and the credits are playing. Lifty is crying tears of joy while Shifty is quite satisfied.)  
  
Shifty: Yeah, you were right, that was amazing.  
  
Lifty: (wiping his tears with his right hand) Best way to end any show ever! (Sniffles loudly.)  
  
Shifty: (Gets off his side of the bed.) Thanks for suggesting that to me, bro. Anything else you want?  
  
Lifty: No, but… (His nose suddenly twitches again as his breath hitches. He is going to sneeze again.) Aaah… Haaaah…  
  
(Knowing what is going to happen, Shifty pulls out a tissue, twists one of the corners into a point, and then tickles Lifty’s nose with said corner of the tissue.)  
  
Lifty: Hah, aaaaaah… (With a final inhale, he releases the sneeze, covering his mouth with both hands.) HAAAAAAAHHHHH-- CHOOOOOoooooooooooo! (Despite not being as massive as a couple of his other sneezes from earlier, the sneeze still feels good to let out. Lifty rubs his nose cutely with his right forefinger, still sniffling.)  
  
Shifty: Bless ya.  
  
Lifty: (still rubbing his nose) Thanks… (He pulls out a tissue for himself, blows his nose into it and then wipes his nose on it.)  
  
Shifty: You need anything else?  
  
Lifty: No, but can I play on the GameCube? (He gestures to the Nintendo GameCube that happens to be sitting close to the TV.)  
  
Shifty: Oh, sure. (He pulls out a wireless GameCube controller and gives it to Lifty.) But what game do you wanna play?  
  
Lifty: Sonic Adventure DX. (Continues wiping his nose.)  
  
Shifty: Don't worry, it's already there. (He switches on the GameCube, the logo to which plays as Lifty turns on his controller.) You enjoy your game. I'll go make you some soup, okay?  
  
Lifty: Yes, please...  
  
Shifty: Okay, then.  
  
(With that, Shifty leaves the bedroom. Lifty is now alone, still sniffling as he waits for the game to begin. After skipping the opening cutscene, he goes into the title screen, selects the memory card and save file, then selects his character.)  
  
Lifty: (to himself) I am so happy Shifty's doing all this for me. Maybe I should think about what to do for him when I feel better... or should I say, stop sniffling so much?  
  
(The game's loading screen shows up and Lifty waits for it to pass, occasionally rubbing his nose. Fade out to black.)  
  
("To Be Continued" card.)


End file.
